I was a bad dog

…but not for long

My she human got mad at me.

I have never seen that look on her face in my whole life. It was a ‘re-homing’ face if there is such a thing.

We came to our Dudley House which is not a house, but a big box in the sky where we have to get into a thing, push a button, and go, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up and up until the door opens and I dash out into a hallway, turn left, and run as fast as I can to Dudley’s Door.

I hadn’t been to this sky box in a while and had forgotten the toys I had stashed all over the place, but especially in my old crate. They were neatly arranged inside until I examined them one by one and brought them out to play:

Tiger

Purple Pig

Purple Rabbit

Farting Pig

Lamby

….about 2,500 toys all came out of that crate I used to sleep in when I was little.

I dragged these cherished items onto the floor, and bounced on the bed with some in my mouth, hoping for a reaction, but alas, she was not paying attention to me.

I have feelings, too, you know and there is one thing that hurts me, and that is being ignored. That is unless I’m trying to sleep, of course. Then if I could talk I’d say, ‘for godsake woman, leave me alone, I’m trying to sleep.’

After my unrequited attention-seeking moves, I thought: I know what will get a reaction.

I snuck up to the place where humans keep the odd toys they put on their noses. It has crunchy parts that break into pieces with a minimum of effort and are SURE to get a reaction out of a human when they are discovered in my mouth.

They are called glasses.

It took a while for my she-human to pay attention to the crunching sound I was making hiding under the bed, but as soon as I got to the breaking glass part, she was all mine, full, 100% at attention.

I know precisely where to position myself under the bed to keep from being pulled out. If I’m right in the middle, and a human comes on one side or the other side, I can easily squiggle away before they get me.

Catching Dudley is the game and it is a two-person operation.

But, boy oh boy, was she mad.

I mean, mad.

She usually has a little love twinkle in her eye no matter what mischief I’m doing, but not that day. Oh no.

She said mean things to me and I was so sad. I got very quiet, crouched in the corner, and looked up at her with my ears down so low, and my brown eyes so sad, she finally realized she might have overreacted. I mean, it was only a pair of prescription eyeglasses. Big deal. Am I right?

J. Dudley Gilbert

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Top Left to Right: My last haircut, me playing with Wiley, my friend at the dog park, humans and dogs having a birthday party for Wiley, who turned 1, and me just kicking back and catching some zzzzzs.

I caught a baby chipmunk. I shook him up pretty good, and he played ‘dead dog’ like I do when the big dogs chase me. I just roll on my back with my feet in the air and say, “I give up.” My he-human made sure this chipmunk lived to see another day, but boy was that fun to catch him.